"The minute Madeline says stop, that's it," he says. "He stumbled through the first weeks. "It was really nice when I posted something, and then 100 or 120 people would tell me I'm a great father," he says.As Liz fell, Matt staggered to support her, amazed at how heavy his petite wife suddenly felt. His blog, Matt, Liz and Madeline: Life and Death, All in a 27-Hour Period, received over 40,000 hits per day at its height in 2008. "Practical help was much needed: all three sets of grandparents (Matt's parents are divorced), while supportive, lived 1,500 miles away from Matt's home in Los Angeles. "I always thought I'd be a good parent alongside Liz," he says. His posts are still personal, but less intimate, less forensically detailed. Like many others, I kept returning to the blog, often starting my day in tears as I read the latest bulletin from a father I had never met but could so easily relate to.There were many joyful moments.
They proved to be Liz's pin number for an overlooked bank account. They have one child. Unlike some couples who meet as teenagers, they had grown closer and endured a complicated pregnancy. "By the time Matt had summoned their extended families to the ward, Liz was dead.
"The vast majority of his readers are "kind and understanding" – without them there would be no Liz Logelin Foundation and no wider support network for Matt and Madeline. "Perhaps inevitably, his readership has changed. Matt was in Minneapolis for Liz's second memorial service when the story ran and was confronted at the airport by rows of newspapers featuring himself and Madeline on the front page under the headline, "Without Liz, but not alone." Then, abruptly, the scene shifted: Matt made a detour between the church and the wake – to collect some new releases at a record store. "I'm determined that Maddy's birthday should be a happy time for her, not dominated by her mother's death," he says.As time passed and Matt felt less assaulted by grief, he set up a charity with the help some of his avid blog readers, the Liz Logelin Foundation.
While a certain number of these were from longtime readers, a new generation of readers had begun to arrive – not to advise or console Matt, but looking for advice themselves. Run by volunteers, the Liz Logelin Foundation organized fundraising events like 5-K walks and runs in her memory. Matt worked for an internet search engine; he was mellower, a counterbalance to his ambitious, successful wife. Suddenly, Matt's blog was flooded by people drawn to this most universal of tales and traffic soared.Then a separate blog was created to coordinate offers of help. One event raised $4,400 that was intended to go to Matt and Maddy. He did say that Brooke still sees Maddie regularly. "We're going to throw her the best party ever," Matt points out, "because that's exactly what Liz would have wanted. "Fortunately, other blog readers were more practical. After the funeral, Matt took off for the hospital, feeding Madeline from a bottle while still dressed in his funeral suit. "In many ways, it's a love letter to Madeline and to Liz. The poignancy of the service was depicted in minute detail. It's this that has helped to retain the unselfconscious quality that made the blog so compulsive three years ago and which, he hopes, will bring comfort to the newly bereaved – proof that, however much you might not want it to, life goes on and can even become happy again.When he replied truthfully – "She passed away the day after the baby was born" – he would find himself comforting strangers. She had never held her and never would.He is particularly excited about this year's birthday. His elation turned to concern, then panic. But when he took his baby out, strangers would often ask difficult questions, such as "Where's Mummy? Rachel Engebretson, the foundation's co-executive director, says: "Matt asked me if it was OK if he gave away all the money that had been raised for him and Madeline to the widows and widowers he had met through his blog. He's also aware that she might soon develop an opinion about the blog.
Everyone wanted to know what they could do to help. Matt and those around him anticipated the one-year mark "like a finishing line", but in many ways the opposite was true. Matt's posts were compulsive and charmingly artless.From the start, his daughter gave him a reason to go on. Some insensitive readers have written to complain that Matt was "more interesting" during his daughter's first year of life. Every Tuesday, every time the clock reached 3.11pm, the time Liz had died, he was compelled to remember when the best time of his life turned into the worst.The forum facilitators contacted him, and a front-page feature followed. Sparks flew from that moment on, and the two were inseparable after that. Until it was time to go to collegeâ¦Matt and Liz Logelin were elated when they found out that Liz was expecting their first child. What would happen next he could have never expected.Valentines day, oh what a holiday!
Maddy Logelin is 8 years old now, a happy, healthy, independent child who has almost reached her mother’s adult height of 4 feet 11. Memories still creep up with no sense of order. They met at a gas station, and a fairy-tale love story began.
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